Thursday, November 10, 2011

In Between

When marriage ends, it is easy to feel like you've fallen through the cracks into a vague pseudo-life that is nothing like what you once knew or imagined.  Just like that mysterious time when the sun has gone down, but it isn't yet dark, it is hard to define so much of this season.  Twilight.  It's mysterious and darkening, but also leads to renewal.

What has helped me is to embrace this time as a chance to revisit my dreams, hopes and goals.  I always knew I would be a mother, and that hasn't been taken from me.  Many years ago I chose to serve Christ and the church, and those are not things from which I have been excluded.  There are friendships I have let slide, but being an intentional friend is high on my list of priorities.  I abandoned family to try and save my marriage and now there is time to nurture these bonds, too.

I am still me.  More than ever I know what I want and need to be content, joyful and fulfilled.  Having this knowledge is priceless in the quest for determining my future path.  I am no longer a wife.  But that  is only one definition of myself that is changed.  I am still mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee and Christ follower.  More personally, I am still a bit romantic, strangely optimistic, creative, a bit predictable, a lover of schedules and order and of course, recovering perfectionist with an idealistic nature.

The absence of a husband and the very real, though honorable obligations involved in that role have freed me to choose what gets more of me.  I do more reading and writing.  I reach out more intentionally to my friends.  I take better care of my health and physical body.  Because I know there is no one else looking out for me, I give myself permission to take care of myself

Have you found any surprising discoveries in a challenging season?  What can you do to take care of YOU today?